Weather the Forecast?

I have never really understood how our broadcast weather system works. This isn’t my personal sarcastic critique on how the weather prediction industry is more often wrong than right. I get that weather is a tough science. But what I don’t understand is why they use almost meaningless statistics to explain the weather. This is what I am talking about, when I hear “The humidity outside it 76%”. I think to myself “76% is a middle ranged C, so it will have about an average amount of water in the air today” I am a visual learner; I need a more graphic explanation as to what these numbers really mean. I really want the weathermen to say something like this: “Today’s daytime temperature should top out around 82 with a humidity level of an elementary school bus.” And then from that I can deduct, “okay, elementary school buses are pretty sticky and smelly… so I should put on my deodorant and make sure that I wear at least two T-shirts.
I also don’t get the “feels like” temperature terminology that they often use in extreme temperatures. I think that the weathermen should ALWAYS tell you what it feels like… Who cares if the temperature is 25 if it feels like 0? Just say that the temperature is 0! Who is going to argue with you? The only reason I care about the weather is because I want to know what it is going to feel like if I go outside.

In the end can't we just all agree that the world would be a better place if White Castle and Axe made a collaborative marketing deal? One makes everything smell bad, and the other makes everything smell good - you be the judge as to which is which...

I am out like Winona Ryder in a shoplifting contest.

Soup De Jour

While I was waiting in line at a local (chain…) sub shop – I noticed that they had a soup of the day on the wall… That got me to thinking, there should be some standardization with Soup of the Days. I mean, unless you are a repeat customer, there is no way that I was going to know that today was Broccoli Cheese soup and that Loaded Baked Potato Soup wasn’t until Friday! Let’s put aside the fact that it is summer and decent human beings should not eat soup until the temperature does not exceed 60 degrees. If I wanted soup today, I would have missed my opportunity! All I am suggesting is that each day of the week have a soup theme – so I know going in what I am expecting to see on the menu. So for instance, Mondays would have a cheese-base? It doesn’t limit the sub shops too much? Also, if they want to carry more soups they most certainly can… but they just can’t be called the soup of the day.

21st Century Rainbow

I was thinking about this today as it rained yet again… Everyone knows the age-old tale that there is a pot of gold (Pot ‘o gold) at the end of every rainbow. Where that tale came from, who really cares? It most likely told from the same people that told the story of little Miss Muffet, who ate her CURDS AND WHEYS?!

Anyways I don’t think anyone in the last 100 years has even seen a literal pot full of gold. And no, Lucky Charms do not count. I was thinking that the whole pot of gold thing needs a 21st century update! What would be the equivalent?

I don’t think it would be all that exciting if there was just a briefcase with lots of money. I think it would have to be more mystical - the fact of the matter is, did anyone ever put their gold in pots? What if the potted gold is more of an ironic thing… like a hybrid SUV?

My suggestions for a 21st century end of the rainbow myth:
- A sit rope. Like a jump rope… but you can do it while sitting
- Brett Favre color changing Mood jersey
- A wireless microwave
- A computer softdrive
- The host of Nickelodeon’s Double Dare
- The movie Kaazam

That is all I have for right now, other suggestions are welcome!

Q of the D

Question of the day – should it be a law that you have to serve potato skins if you serve mashed potatos? I think it is a legit question… because lets me honest, potato skins are delicious – and mashed potatoes are great as well, but they each use different parts of the potato… so why shouldn’t they be allowed to co-exisit in all forms?

In game advertising

I have been perplexed to this situation as of late – especially with the recent release of this year’s famed Madden game. Advertising has always been a give and take entity. For example in television, you get 20 minutes of free content in exchange for 10 minutes of interweaving advertisements. Obviously, if you have cable or satellite the trade off is still the same, where it differs is the variety - the price makes sense.

With the availability of new technologies, comes new ways to view advertisements. A few weeks ago I was playing NHL 09’ (on XBOX 360) with my brothers when I made them pause the game so I could take a better look at an ad for Valley Fair (Minneapolis area amusement park) that I saw on the boards around the rink. I was quite amazed that I was targeted by my physical location through my online Xbox Live account. The Valley Fair advertisement was not only adding to the realism of the game - as all hockey arenas have local advertisements – but it also brought on a certain WOW factor.

I, unlike most people, get a little excited when seeing advertisements, but I must admit I do have an even more bizarre fascination in both placement and content of advertisements in video games. This is why I was disappointed (and annoyed) that Madden 2010 took a step in a terrible direction. The Madden franchise has been a proponent of adding sponsors for the statistics or half time reports, which usually have been accepted on my end, as they add to the game; however, with the new edition of the only NFL licensed football game allowed on the market (Madden Monopoly – EA sports has a deal with the NFL to the exclusive rights of the Teams and Rosters), the advertising has become a nuisance. A McDonald’s pop-up ad obtrusively sits on the screen as you are picking your next play. The ad neither enhances the game play nor does it even remotely appeal to my WOW sense.

I know that advertising in video games is not a new phenomenon, but I feel that there has been a recent shift in the give and take of the sacred unwritten agreement. The fact of the matter is that I paid $60 to play this game, I am assuming that the creators of the Madden game charge more than enough to compensate the work that has been put into it – as it is a yearly game and there is not THAT much that changes between editions. What do I get in return to have this advertisement being beamed to me? Maybe I would be more willing to accept and forgive the obtrusiveness of the advertisement if I wasn’t also paying $50 a year for my Xbox Live account!

If EA Sports wants to make money through advertisements, I say that they have every right; in fact I would even encourage them to go after that demographic – but then give something back to the users/gamers. My suggestion would be to either offer a less expensive game, or better integrate entertainment with the advertisements.

In the meantime I will pick up a real football and enjoy the rest of the summer... at least until EA Sports can find a way to send me advertisements on my football... but actually that would be kind of cool!

Post (traumatic) Blog - But Not Really

I was trying to write a nostalgic entry, but after two paragraphs I just stopped, because I feel as if they are less fun to read. I mean they can be fun... but I feel since I haven't written anything for a while, I will my Dashboard Confessional lyrics for another day?

Story of the day:
Walking into Don Pablos, there was a sign reading "Sorry we no long accept checks." I wonder at what point the verbiage of that sign will change, or will even disappear. I mean, I don't think checks have been kosher since the 1990's. Anyways, we continued to walk into the restaurant, and I turned to Brian and said, "thank God they don't take checks here, because time traveling always makes my stomach hurt."

Hmm lets see what other bits of knowldge I can drop on all of you... Oh! So I am trying to start a new thing. I feel like the phrase "that's what she said" has outlasted its life expectancy (coming from the phrase killer himself). So now whenever anyone says a long or more complex sentence (even if it isn't inherantly suggestive) I just add a ".com" to the end. Example, I was having a conversation with a buddy and he said, "can you pass the chicken breast" and then you add a "dot com" to the end... everyone laughs and America wins. It's going to be a thing... trust me.

Now for a little segment called "10 things i learned this summer but I am not quite sure they still apply in winter (dot com)":
- Wearing sandles after work feels like walking on a mixture of clouds, marshmellows, and Courtney Love.
- Brett Favre will become Minnesota's largest tourist attraction... Or will Minnesota be Brett Favre's largest tourist attraction (think about it)?
- Although you can try to sing it in other ways, "Tiny Dancer" is best sung in the highest falsetto voice you can achieve.
- Rollerblading babies really aren't that funny.
- Christmas in July should be recognized by more institutions... I can't find a decent tree anywhere
- I think it would be a good idea to make a building in the shape of a doughnut but only sell muffins.
- If Aliens came to Earth, the first food I would feed them is black liquorish as the ultimate test. If they say they like it then that means that they are friendly aliens... because they know how to be polite - NOBODY can actually like that stuff. If they said they disliked it, I would tell them to go to Mars (to get candy bars).
- I should be able to control my shopping cart with my iphone... and yet there is no App for that
- Slip N' Slides are always a great idea, especially if the main sliding ingredient is anything but water (ask R Kelly for his advice as to what he uses).

And that concludes the tonight's epic adventure!

A New Hope

For those of you who are savvy in the nature of popular culture you should know where the title of my Blog post comes from. For those of you who are more familiar with scrabble, you can appreciate the 14 points I earned from using the word Savvy in the last sentence. But no matter how you spin it, today was a big day in the world of Sir Joseph Lutz... (in my world, I have been Knighted).

Today, I started in the real world - post collegiate job -- salary, benefits, the whole "kit-and-cabootle" we have been told to be working for . Everything in my education has lead me to this day (for instance, I know that I should not have ended the previous sentence in a preposition... but I did anyways, because I am badass), and yet I don't feel any difference. Some would say that I just entered into the first day of the rest of my life, but I don't really like thinking of life in such large terms - it is overwhelming and maybe depressing? I guess I will just take a page out of Hansel and Gretel and follow these proverbeal "breadcrumbs" until I reach my overarching destination.

This is on a completely unrelated note, but I feel really compelled to share it with people... I have been trying to make this case for years, but nobody listens. And now I have found photographic evidence that helps prove my point. What am I talking about, you may be asking yourselves. Well, the Minnesota Twins fans be prepared to be shocked. I have always thought that Justin Morneau looked familiar. Not to say he is a goofy looking guy or anything, I mean he is practically a saint here in the cities... However, I always thought he had a recognizable face... and this is why.



Oh, this just in (pun intended) the Muppet's are back!

Coincidence? I think not!

On the same day that the Denver Broncos annouced that they would be looking to trade their notoriously unhappy Quarterback, Southwest Airlines annouced daily flights from Minneapolis to Denver...

Think about it! Okay, you really don't have to think about it, because I feel that I did a pretty good job of summing it up.

I smell a corporate conspiracy theory? And all I know is that you Gotta do the cookin by the book!

I hear you cluckin' big chicken (A blog about nothing)

So today I was at work and in the rest room... (Side note -this is compeltely irrelevant to my story, but I just want to toot my own horn (that is not a bathroom joke)- I had just gotten done rocking a Social Media presentation in front of a large(r) group). Anyways back to my story... So this guy comes in after I do - I am standing at the urinal going about my business and this guy just comes in, unzips, and does the hands free stand.

Guys, you should know what I am talking about. Maybe it is just me but this handsfree stance is very awkward. I mean what is the purpose of having two hands free when you are going to the bathroom? Do you really need to put your hands on your waist, or perhaps behind your head... maybe you could even throw them around your shoulder like a continental soldier? Regardless, as a fellow urinal user - I feel like there should be a man law that you should "designate a driver" when using the restroom because the last thing I would want is a head on collision...so to speak.

My MANth (that is short for manly month)

So I just got back from Texas and boy are my chalopas tired. I don't really know how that applies, but I thought somehow it would work out.

Maybe it was just my experience but I am pretty sure that life in general moves a little bit slower in the south. That is not to come with any negative connotations - it is just that even fast food down there seems to take longer. I am guessing what happens is that here in the northland we elongate our O's while talking to each other so it makes the time just FLY by.

I just joined Twitter for work today, so in the spirit of that I will try and recap my last month in 140 charters or less. Here goes...

Busy. Lots of homework, tests, projects. Waconia. Break. Car ride to Texas. Crazy, island, sunburning, beach. Drive home. Adjust. School.

That pretty much sums up my life in the past 30 or so days, to think that if I didn't have that 140 character limit I would have sure wasted a lot of time telling you all about it!

More to come soon, as I promise to not be a stranger to the digital world much longer!

The Happenings

It has been quite sometime since my last posting, and for that I am just slightly apologetic. What can I say Life = BUSY... and if we want to take that equation a little further we can see that BUSY = Kenny G and Kenny G = Saxophone and Saxophone = Bill Clinton and Bill Clinton = Hot dog... therefore through the transitive property: Life = Hot dog... You can thank me later for doing all the front work on the math.

You know that expression that you don't know somebody until you walk a mile in their shoes? I wish I would have gotten to "know" somebody today, because I was wearing some new shoes that really cut up my feet - so I guess retrospectively if I would have gotten a chance to walk a mile in somebody else's shoes, today would have been a great day to do that... Oh well - but i am pretty sure the guy who thought up that philosophical saying was really wanting to break in his new Doc Martens (oh yes, I went there) and just didn't want to be the one that had to suffer through all the blisters.

On a sports related note (because I can) - the Vikings are on the verge of addressing their quarterback problem by trading for the Houston Texans backup - Sage Rosenfels. First of all, can we all agree that if you are indeed going to get a football player named after a spice that it should be one that sounds a little more ferocious. I am thinking like Cajun Johnston, or Wasabi Nelson would both be excellent names for football players. Secondly, Sage Rosenfels is the backup in HOUSTON - one might say if we resort to taking players who don't even play from a teams with the tagline "(Houston) We have a problem" (its an old Nasa joke for all you kids out there...) what position does that put the Vikes in? Instead of that being a rhetorical question, which I posed it to be, I will just answer it. It puts the Vikes into a situation similar to that of Rosanne and Tom Arnold... yeah - pretty bad.

It is bedtime now - but I hopefully will be updating by weeks end!

Super Bawl

I was going to start out this entry by saying, "was it just me or..." but since it is rhetorical, and really this is all about me - I will just focus on what I think.

Anyways, one of my favorite days of the year just happened... No, not the 4th Friday of the 1st month of the year... it was the SUPER BOWL. I really appreciate most aspects of this glorious event. It is perhaps one of the most over-hyped non-holiday there is! I say over-hyped not with a negative connotation, because sometimes it is really fun to get swept into the whole emotional context with the day! But in some regards I feel like the Super Bowl sets some high expectations that don't always get addressed.

I, of course, am referring to the commercials. Don't get me wrong, I am a big football fan, and usually become a bandwagon jumper of whatever team is the underdog going into the Super Bowl (obviously, I would cheer for the Vikings if they made it, but I also have a strong sense of reality running through me). The commercials really are a large part of my Super Bowl experience, as that is what spawned my interest in my hopeful future in advertising. The fact that these commercials are designed mainly for entertainment purposes really intrigues me, because brands are more open to take risks and put themselves out there in a unique way.

This year I felt disappointed. Brands like Budweiser opted to repeatedly use dull characters (Clydesdale horses) in their advertisements - which really befuddles me. Budweiser used to be the juggernaut of Super Bowl advertisements, it always felt like they were a brand that knew their stuff when it came to preforming on the big stage. It turns out this year they flopped harder than Ashlee Simpson.

Don't get me wrong, there were a few commercials that did get me chuckling. But take me back to the days of Terry Tate: Office Linebacker, or even Cat Herder (two of my favorite ads that were both ironically done by Minnesota-based Fallon agency - no Midwestern bias here...) and let me see some more extravagant and creative advertisements. Obviously, it is a sign of the time (dare I say the "bad economy" buzz words), businesses cherish their image and may find it fiscally irresponsible to take a $3 million risk on a more exuberant advertisements.

Needless to say, I am already looking forward to next years Super Bowl! Hopefully a few years down the line I will be able to be more game and less talk - by helping to contribute to an awesome Super Bowl commercial! Here's to dreams!

Awareness... matters

Today in class I was describing and explaining an advertisement to the class. The advertisement was for Geek Squad - I am sure I could look for the ad and try to post it on here... Well I did that, but I couldn't find the actual ad, so i will use this as a substitute:

Anyways I was talking about the play on the breast cancer awareness ribbons that people are all very familiar with. However, when explaining this to the class, I sort of forgot the "cancer" part of the explanation... You can imagine the disarray when I told the class that the advertisers wanted to play with the popularity of Breast Awareness...

Yeah, it was an interesting day of class.

Orange Juice

This will be a really quick entry. I don't think I will be writing every night, but this just happened and I have to write about it.

So I was drinking my midnight orange juice, as i often tend to do. As I was putting it away I noticed that on the top of the carton it said, "Best used by February 23". Okay, first of all, I shouldn't have put the date in quotes because I just made it up, I forgot the actual date on the label so don't call me on it. Secondly, don't you think that that is some pretty hard language coming from my orange juice? My carton is telling me that I "best use" my orange juice before the end of February - as in a demand. That is a terroristic threat, and of course I do not negotiate with terrorists. Needless to say, I am not giving into the demands and I will use my OJ when I am good and ready, and you BEST mind your own damn business orange juice carton!

Orange Juice is now being added to the terrorist watch list. Threat level... orange?

Names

Does anyone else think that the word Cucumber is absolutely hilarious? I have no idea why it is funny, but it makes me laugh.

And on a similar - yet completely unrelated topic - can we all agree that a Tomato does NOT belong with the fruit grouping? Sure, it has fruit-like attributes, but is that really enough to justify? I mean with that logic wouldn't we have to say that Rosanne is talented? Anyways, we should all agree that a Tomato is a Vegetable and Pluto is most certainly a planet!

Still more changes ahead! Stay tuned for a full update!